Ask The Gooch

El Dorado Rubentein

Dear Gooch,


In the year 2000, I fell asleep on Mt. Hood. I was taking a break
from snowboarding. When I woke up, I was pondering on the subject of
nothingness. Does nothingness exist in the universe? Why does it exist? How would
you describe nothingness? Where did the energy of empty space come from?
Will pondering these questions affect my performance in dating situations?


El Dorado Rubenstein



Hello Dorado,


The concept of nothingness has vexed the brightest minds throughout human history and has consumed the mental energies of many great minds including Aristotle, Hegel, Heidegger and Pat Sajak. The concept of nothingness or nothing is difficult to imagine since all we have ever known in our human experience is a world of somethings- the ground beneath our feet, the feel of muscle beneath skin, the wind against our face, the sky above, our thoughts and feelings. Aristotle and Eddie Van Halen considered the vacuum of empty space to be a realm of nothingness but we know now (thanks to Eddie) that space is chock full of stars, quasars, gravitons, neutrinos and dark matter. Physicists have also probed atoms and discovered proportionately vast regions of nothing between the electrons and the nucleus. But even these regions are populated by the weak force- the energy that binds electrons to the nucleus. Scientists have probed the largest and smallest objects in the universe but have been unable to find a sample of nothingness. A vacuum still contains gravity, and gravity is definitely something.


Most people think of a starless black space when attempting to visualize nothingness- a region without stars or galaxies or nebulae. But this is a flawed perspective. Even if we found nothingness and could gaze at it, our simple act of observing it places the observer (something) into the observed nothing. This line of reasoning leads to this metaphysical implication:


Nothingness cannot even be conceived because the consciousness required to conceive it is something. And if nothingness did exist, then the consciousness required to perceive it could not exist.


Therefore, with the exception of the Olson twins, nothingness is an impossibility.


Resplendent in Somethingness,

The Gooch





Past letters to The Gooch from:
> El Dorado Rubenstein
Arvind's Mom
Arvind's Mom (Again)

A History of The Gooch

It all began in 1938. The Gooch took a break from preparing the final draft of the Estonian Constitution and spent several humid days in the Estonian Outback. He and Sir Robert Vansittart, the permanent
under-secretary at the British Foreign Office, raged from dawn to dusk riding sick tree lines, a little halfpipe and bonking the multitudinous Estonian Valley Donkeys that frequently loitered in the lift lines.

Being humid, and early season, their bases took quite a beating after several days and with no shred shops nearby they sat down to improvise some emergency wax. Choad Cheese Snowboard Wax was
born on January 28, 1938, coincidentally, the same day that the first ski tow in America began operation in Vermont. With little more than an ARC welder, some spruce resin and a ridiculous amount of donkey choad these two men created what we at Crack Grease consider to be the most sustainably-sourced and deliciously scented wax on the market today.

Choad Cheese Snowboard Wax is available in two temperature ranges, All-Temp and Cold-Temp.


Give Choad Cheese a try.

It's deliciously fast!


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